Ted Knickerson

Care to find out what Nancy won't let him tell you?
Name: Ted Knickerson

Position in WENiS: drums, canceling, wrapped around Nancy's little finger

Age: He must be a mighty 17 now

Location: Where white picket fences line the streets and children run freely in their yards.

Status: Pussy-Whipped for Nancy (sorry girls)

Story: Ted grew up in a small town. He was born to good home of upper-middle class status. He was kind to his neighbors and obedient with his parents. He’d help his brother with homework and girl problems and would do anything for a friend. Nancy and Ted had been good friends since they were young tikes. But as often happens, Nancy and Ted got to a special point in their lives. A point where they began to notice each other in a way they had never noticed each other before. Things became a bit awkward between the two but as was expected, sparks flew and one night, atop a hill in their quaint little town, they had their first kiss. It was a bit rushed though. They were both out passed their curfews and they feared a good talkin’-to when they got home. Lord only knows what their parents would say if they sneaked in the house and the ungodly hour of 10pm! But they loved each other so much, they didn’t mind being in trouble. Well, their relationship blossomed and soon Nancy had Ted fawning over her like a lonely puppy. Now, Nancy’s father is the police chief in their town and Nancy was drawn to the life style of solving crimes and catching the common criminal. Nancy helped solve a case her father was working on. She was curious, wanted to see what it would feel like. But one hit and she was hooked. One hit wasn’t enough for Nancy… She wanted more, at any cost. Nancy was an addict. Ted tried to get Nancy to quit before she got too deep but nothing could convince her. Not long after, she drug Ted into her downward spiral of lies and deceit. Ted was peer-pressured into following leads and dressing in drag and granting sexual favors just to feed Nancy’s addiction. He’d do anything for that girl, even sell his body for a hamburger and a pack of cigerettes… Not that he ever did that… *cough* One day things changed a bit. Nancy was picking out the perfect dress for Ted to wear to the post office when a pigeon landed on her window sill. She picked the pigeon up and turned it over. As she suspected, it was a carrier pigeon! She rushed over to Ted’s house where he was doing some garage for his father. Nancy showed him the pigeon which he was rather repulsed by. Nancy insisted that the bird had come from the very gangsters she and Ted were hunting down. After a long argument, Ted thought he had finally beat Nancy. Little did he know the plot she was sheeming in her head at that very moment. He convinced Nancy to put the bird in a crate and take it back to the post office. They fashioned the bird its own little box and forced the rat of a bird into the cage. Nancy placed the wooden box on the back of her convertible. Ted, being as dense as the poor boy is, didn’t take much notice to the shotty anchoring job and when the car started and the box fell off the back of the car , it caught Ted by surprised. An accomplished smile curled across Nancy’s face as she shouted "Follow the bird!!" Ted reluctantly took the drivers seat and proceded after the bird. Nancy pointed every which direction insisting that this bird would lead them straight to the hideout of the culprits. After about an hour of criss-crossing around their town and ending their journey in the rural area surrounding it. They were lead to a two story house that had seen better days. Nancy and Ted could hear the faint sounds of some rockin’ WENiS-CORE echoing across the dead grass. Nancy lead Ted up the stairs to the front porch and bust open the door. Once inside, the two of them followed the music to a back room where they were to find Iku Kazoo and Wheetamo Openmouth jamming with a shoe box guitar and some Cheeseballs containers. The girls looked up and before Nancy could pounce them, Wheetamo spoke up. "Hey! You’re Ted! You live down the street from me!" Ted was in shock. Wheetamo was the girl that his family always called "odd" and "not quite right". She was the girl who had friends over to hours sometimes as late at midnight! And she wouldn’t come home until the wee hours of the morning if at all. Ted was instructed not to even make eye contact with Wheetamo because just the slight bit of aknowledgement from Wheetamo was the first step to the devil. "Gee golly, Nancy. Maybe we should get out of here!" But before he could even turn around, the girls invited him into their band. They flattered him with talk of hearing his drums when they passed his house on mid-week afternoons. He agreed before Nancy could have any say in it. Nancy never liked the idea of Ted spending so much time with other girls and because of her Ted has been forced to cancel many a show and practice. Some call Sid’s Nancy the Yoko Ono of punk rock, well Ted’s Nancy is the Yoko Ono of WENiS-CORE! Expect the new movie "Ted & Nancy" to be out in the fall.